Reminiscence for 2010

Dearie is coming home now to accompany me. Which of course makes my day. =D Also, the medicine I just took also made me feel better. This might be a good time for me to pen some thoughts for reminiscence since year 2010 had again, passed in a flash.

To quote Elaine, “Resolutions anyone? But I have never been one to keep to my resolutions so I dun bother making them in the very first place.”

I was giggling while I read that statement because it reminded me of myself. Just that I never have the guts to admit it. I really admire her for how candid and natural she is. Before I read her blog(I dare not claim I know her despite we have emailed few times), I’ve never know such a humble, simple and down-to-earth beauty exists. =) I’ve learned from her to be more truthful to myself and not be weigh down by this invisible cloak call “pride”. Sometimes we see many people who looked much more fortunate than us, then sub-consciously we tried to mimic what they do, how they carry themselves etc, when actually it’s so much more comforting, fulfilling and meaningful to just be ourselves and the way we are. =)

Another lesson that I’ve learnt over the past year is never assume everyone knows how you think and understands your intention no matter how close you think you are to them. In conjunction to the mentioned point, do not hesitate to explain yourself further if there’s a tiny chance that people might misunderstand your intentions.

Dont ever think that, “Aiya, she should know I’m not this kinda person. We’ve known each other for years!”

No, dont ever assume that, unless it’s with your super super close friends. Hmm, to date, there’s only 3 friends whom I really dare to say what I really think(100% without holding back) to them. As I’m sure they know I’ve absolutely no evil intentions nor hidden meanings behind my words. Of course, other than the meaningful friendship, it got to do with their personality as well. =D For other good friends, I just dare not gamble. Not anymore. =X

Sigh, but I heard a kinda meaningful quote before, also from Elaine’s blog.

<blockquote> Dont bother to explain. Your besties dont need it and your enemies wont believe it.”</blockquote>

Sometimes, I’m not one who thinks too much before talking, in front of people whom I hold the dearest. Dont you wish for no pretense and hypocrisy infront of your closest? I dont see the need to phrase my sentences ever so carefully as if treading on thin ice or say patronizing things which I dont meant at all. Life is pretty hard already, why make it harder? I understand there’s a word call “tact”, I’ll keep that in mind. However, it’s my mistake to assume people can accept what I can accept, or nonchalant with things which I pretty much bo chup. There are some stuff which I can accept whilst other people cant. Similarly, there are things which other people can accept while I cant. We are all made differently afterall. So well, sometimes, it’s essential to understand different individuals’ limits; dont cross their line.

To quote Robert T. Kiyosaki,

Teach and You Shall Receive – Whenever you feel “short” or in “need” of something, give what you want first and it will come back in buckets. That is true for money, a smile, love, friendship … I just trust that the principle of reciprocity is true”.

I used to believe that was true. Hmm…….I believed in the natural goodness of everyone and there’s always reason behind how a person’s personality was molded.

For example, Ali might be egoistic because he was not loved by his parents since young and all his ego is a wall of pride to protect himself.

Actually egoistic is not so much of a big thing lah, because it doesnt cause any harm or distress to anyone. This is merely an example. Of course there are other flaws out there which are less…acceptable.

I will always give chances…or accommodates….to the extent that through years…I’m accustomed already. It became a habit and well, sometimes it’s difficult to try to reverse your situation when it has been like that for many many years. For example, if Guy A always drives Guy B home because Guy B dont drive(despite it’s not convenient at all) for years, it’s pretty hard to blurt out one fine day, “Erm…actually your house is not really on the way, nor is it near to mine. Do you mind to go home yourself?” Because Guy B has been so accustomed to you fetching him back and forth that he’ll probably be offended that you suddenly dont wish to ferry him.

This is merely an example, but you’ll get the gist of it.

It might be a tinnnny thing but when every tinnnnny thing gets repeated over and over again, through years and years, with no reciprocation, it can be very….well you know, disheartening. And we always wish to be reciprocated you see. Even if it’s once in a month, it’s also good! However, I grew tired of waiting to be reciprocated. I’m pretty sadistic in nature actually, sometimes I kept finding excuses for my treasured ones that even dearie find me pretty amazing. Lol. But well, it’s always a sucky feeling to wake up from a dream, an illusion. To slap yourself awake to the cold, hard, realistic truth, that you have always been the self-sacrificial one. Hmm….pretty much reminds you of some BGR problems isnt it? Yeah…kinda similar in some aspects. But well, cry all you want over it. Cry one night! It is more than enough for any person’s worth, after that, you’ll move on! =) Remember there’s many other people who deserves you more. =)

I’m still a softie at heart actually. Sometimes through time or a small gift, I’ll forget the whole thing happens. =)

Another 9 days, it will be 4 years pa-tor anniversary with dearie. Haha. Wow, we were both pretty amazed that it has been 4 years! It feels shorter. =) Pretty good, meaning still honeymoon period. Muahahaha. I think both of us has really changed in many ways.

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Him

He treats me better now.

I shant elaborate how he used to treat me(it’s not thattttt bad la) in the past, it’s not my style. What matters is that, he treats me much much better now. I really appreciate how he cares more for my feelings and especially when I’m sick. His EQ also improved alot. He now knows how to say words of appreciation as well as more zi-dong where my mummy is concerned. 比较会做人了! Though, not the other kind of “做人” okie? Dont notti notii.

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Me

I’m milder in temper now, I think, towards him. Lol. I think I used to be more hard-headed and high-prided. It’s not my habit to express how bad I feel in every aspect because I see that as being “soft” and “vulnerable”. So weird, my character is so much like a guy. But now, for example, when I’m sick, I’ll…whimper in a way and request for attention in a soft way. LOL. Not always though. It’s never like that in the past. I will only put up a black face and expect him to know that I feel bad and come comfort me without being asked! Which of course he dont lah! Guys are still very dense, just buy that. So end up, I’ll throw temper and demand why he cant be more caring when I need him most etc. Then we’ll end up quarreling.

Sometimes, 以柔制刚 是对的! Haha.

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We’re still considering should we have a mini-celebration for our 4 years pa-tor anniversary, given our busy schedules. Hmm……….see how. =) Flying Pattaya on Sunday.

My dearie is so funny lah. Just now we saw some…..what huh…cherry blossoms huh…the kind of trees which people put up during Chinese New Year, and I wondered out loud;

Me: Oooo…..New year liao, what should we do with our Christmas tree?

Dearie: We put ang bao on the tree loh

Me: Oh! Good idea hor!

Dearie: Then moon cake festival, we put mini lanterns loh.

Me: Er…………

Dearie: Then 端午节, we hang mini bah-zhang lor.

Me: Wahahahaha

Dearie: The Christmas tree so poor thing, it must be thinking, “我明明是Christmas tree,为什么要乱乱挂bah-zhang 在我身上leh?

Me: Hahahahahaha!

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Let us all embrace a better us in the new year and I love each and everyone of my friends and I thank all of you for loving me just the way I am. =D Smuacks Smuacks!! Please do treasure all your precious around you and let’s not take everyone for granted!

 

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