*Edited* 爱没有合不合适,只有珍惜不珍惜?

Just realised wrong draft was being published.

刚搬进这个房子的那天,她整理完全部的东西,最后拿出一个非常精致的玻璃瓶,对他说道:“亲爱的,3个月内,你让我每哭一次,我就往里面加一滴水,代表我的眼泪。要是它满了,我就收拾我的东西离开这房子。”

  男人不以为然,有点纳闷:“你们女人也太神经质了吧!就这么不信任我么,那还有什么可谈?我让你搬过来和我一起生活,是为了照顾你,不是欺负你的!”

  女人说:“好男人不会让心爱的女人受一点点伤,我会记录下我为什么流泪,不会是莫名其妙的。”

  “那好吧,抱抱~!”

  两个月后,女人把那瓶子给男人看,说:“已经满一半了,在两个月内,我们是否有必要查看一下是什么问题呢?”说完递了一本精致的小笔记本给男人。

  男人没有马上打开来看,他的表情里有一丝惊讶,还有点哭笑不得的意味,似乎没有想到女人的眼泪可以这么多,盛得这么快,又觉得女人是小题大作了,但是很可爱。

  他打开本子开始看,惊讶女人怎么写了那么多。男人一边看着,女人一边说话:“第一次吵架,是在第3天,而且还是一大早,你刚醒来有点懵懂,挤的牙膏不知道怎么的飞到镜子上了,那是我刚擦干净的,我说你连挤牙膏都不会啊,你就来脾气了,然后吵起来……”

  男人沉默着。女人继续说:“有天晚上我让你帮洗下那几件衣服,因为水太凉,你只顾着玩游戏迟迟不肯动,后来吵起来,我很失望你忘记了我的生理期不能碰冷水,委屈……”

  “还有一次,我很累了,你还不肯去洗澡睡觉,明明知道我特敏感,有点神经衰弱,哪怕一点点敲键盘的声音都能让我难以入睡,我一情急就说了你这个人自私的话,我们吵起来,你说了一大堆辩论自己不自私自私的人是我之后甩门出去上网通宵,我打你电话你没拿我又不敢自己一个人去找你……”

  女人这时候有点激动了,眼球开始泛红,说:“还有一次……”男人打断了她的话,“亲爱的,别说了……”

  沉默…长久的沉默……

  还是女人打破了沉默:“是不是我们真的不合适?如果是这样,结婚了还是会离婚吧?我们的个性都那么强,谁都不肯退让。”

  气氛有点尴尬。

  本子里记录的事情都是那么细小的事情,每次吵架的原因都是那么的简单,男人看着这本子,似乎在体会着女人的心情,大男子是不会去计较这些小事,原本觉得每次和好之后都没事,女人就爱拿这些来说事,但是当他认真去看的时候,他也开始难过了,女人很细心,把事件、心情都写了,还自己总结了一下原因。原来最微小的事情累积起来是很让人痛苦的,他看得出,女人从失望慢慢变成绝望。

  他想,大概是因为每次吵架,两人都是喜欢在吵架中找出对方不爱自己的证据。他突然意识到,这是个很严重的问题!而且每次吵架,双方都是在心情不稳定的时候,就是还有别的烦心事的时候,把不好的情绪带进了两个人的生活里。

  “亲爱的别难过……”男人终于说话了:“我请个假,我们去旅游吧。”

  他们去了第一次一起旅游的地方,太多美好的回忆被唤起,原来彼此是那么深深地爱着对方,这时的女人特别温柔,这时的男人特别体贴。

  “亲爱的,你还认为我们结婚的话,会离婚么?”男人问。

  “我想不是我们不合适,像现在,我们是那么快乐,一切都那么美好,可是一回到我们的现实生活里,为什么就变了呢?”

  “亲爱的,难道我们现在不在现实里吗?”

  “……”女人楞了。

  “因为那时候我们都把注意力集中在负面的事物上并且放大了那些负面的心情。并且喜欢找对方不爱自己的证据,然后彼此个性都很倔不肯服输太要面子。”

  女人觉得确实是如此,原来,双方只是需要一点点忍让,一点点包容。男人带她回顾这初次旅游的地点,是真的用心了,想起那时候他们在一起还不久,为了让对方觉得自己好,都表现出自己最好的一面。

  “还有半个月,如果那瓶子还是半瓶,那么,亲爱的,嫁给我吧!”

  女人钻进男人怀里笑开了颜

  后来他们结婚了。很少再吵架。如果粗心的男人不小心碰掉了杯子,女人不会再开口就骂,因为在女人开口之前,男人已经在道歉,说对不起,都是我不小心的,赔两个给老婆!老婆尽管去选你喜欢的!女人就笑了,然后说,不用买啦,反正还有杯子,再说也不都是你的错,怪我自己没把杯子放好,让你碰到啦!

  原来真的没有合适不合适,只有珍惜不珍惜,能一起走一起进步是幸福的!

Observations made and opinions formed while reading:

刚搬进这个房子的那天,她整理完全部的东西,最后拿出一个非常精致的玻璃瓶,对他说道:“亲爱的,3个月内,你让我每哭一次,我就往里面加一滴水,代表我的眼泪。要是它满了,我就收拾我的东西离开这房子。”

(Just imagine your boyfriend said that to you, how will you feel? Terribly disappointed isnt it? As it seems, there is no trust and confidence in the relationship at all. And if everything must be measured like this, should the other party also measure in the same way, using a glass bottle? And once 3 months is up, whose bottle contains more water has the right to dump the other party? Fair and square? Sometimes, it doesnt mean you have more tears means you’re more hurt. And it doesnt mean if you shed more tears means your partner meant to hurt you. It merely meant you 2 have different priorities and have yet to reach a compromise.)

  男人不以为然,有点纳闷:“你们女人也太神经质了吧!就这么不信任我么,那还有什么可谈?我让你搬过来和我一起生活,是为了照顾你,不是欺负你的!”

  女人说:“好男人不会让心爱的女人受一点点伤,我会记录下我为什么流泪,不会是莫名其妙的。”

(记录下来?? Do recording?? Is it a little too extreme?? If any dispute happen, it’s better to discuss it there and then rather than bottling up or recording down. I do not agree with recording of unhappy events for the purpose of quarreling with more punch and reason in the future. Who will like being 翻 旧 帐?

For e.g, “On XX-XX-XX day, you did QQQ and YYY, thus made me very (*&^%$*”. I dont know about you, but that will make me feel damn irritated. If you have anything unhappy with, say it there and then. After 2 months, show me a notebook with recordings of what happened, who will remember? You can? Well, I cant.

And also, while recording, wont you be making yourself feel worse? Seeing the booklet getting more and more occupied with writings, doesnt that make you even more pessimistic and 绝望? Once recorded, one can never forget the mistakes the partner made, or rather, makes it even harder to forget. And life cant move on. Sweet memories are worth recording because they’re worth reminiscing over a million times. Not bitter memories.)

  “那好吧,抱抱~!”

  两个月后,女人把那瓶子给男人看,说:“已经满一半了,在两个月内,我们是否有必要查看一下是什么问题呢?”说完递了一本精致的小笔记本给男人。

  男人没有马上打开来看,他的表情里有一丝惊讶,还有点哭笑不得的意味,似乎没有想到女人的眼泪可以这么多,盛得这么快,又觉得女人是小题大作了,但是很可爱。

  他打开本子开始看,惊讶女人怎么写了那么多。男人一边看着,女人一边说话:“第一次吵架,是在第3天,而且还是一大早,你刚醒来有点懵懂,挤的牙膏不知道怎么的飞到镜子上了,那是我刚擦干净的,我说你连挤牙膏都不会啊,你就来脾气了,然后吵起来……”

(Toothpaste staining a clean mirror by mistake? It’s just a trivial matter. Guys are naturally more clumsy than females. And most people will be blur blur in the morning. How much toothpaste can there be? Wipe it off will do.

If I’m going to KP my hubby for every single mess he made in the house despite how clean I maintained it, and then recording one by one down in a notebook, GOD…….then I wont have time for anything else! There’s absolutely no warrant for the comment, “你连挤牙膏都不会啊”. Knowing your partner in a grouchy mood, the least you can do is to goad him into an argument over something sooOOo trivial. )

  男人沉默着。女人继续说:“有天晚上我让你帮洗下那几件衣服,因为水太凉,你只顾着玩游戏迟迟不肯动,后来吵起来,我很失望你忘记了我的生理期不能碰冷水,委屈……”

(Yes. The guy is at fault but if ladies are going to drop tears over minor, sensitive things which guys cant remember, they’re going to cry themselves blind.

Guys are simple. Just instruct them or remind them to do if they really forgot. Dont make them guess as they’re very straight-forward. Find out if they’re really engaged with the game, hence delaying the chore, OR that they really dont like to do the chore. If it’s the former, ask them to do after they’re done with what they’re busy with. Nobody likes having their games/work interrupted, so do I. If it’s the latter, work out a solution. Either you do it, or engage part-time maid or whatever. Compromise, with reason and logic. When he understands it’s his duty, he will do it. It’s a skill, to learn what to say at the right time)

  “还有一次,我很累了,你还不肯去洗澡睡觉,明明知道我特敏感,有点神经衰弱,哪怕一点点敲键盘的声音都能让我难以入睡,我一情急就说了你这个人自私的话,我们吵起来,你说了一大堆辩论自己不自私自私的人是我之后甩门出去上网通宵,我打你电话你没拿我又不敢自己一个人去找你……”

(That’s the culprit, “明明知道我 bla bla bla bla”. No! They 不知道. Just get that into your head. Sometimes they know but most of the time, they forgot, especially when they focused on other things which they feel are more important. They need reminders again and again. You can repeat it with more force but shouldnt use the “你这个人很自私!” because it’s very offensive. Nobody likes that.)

  女人这时候有点激动了,眼球开始泛红,说:“还有一次……”男人打断了她的话,“亲爱的,别说了……”

  沉默…长久的沉默……

  还是女人打破了沉默:“是不是我们真的不合适?如果是这样,结婚了还是会离婚吧?我们的个性都那么强,谁都不肯退让。”

  气氛有点尴尬。

  本子里记录的事情都是那么细小的事情,每次吵架的原因都是那么的简单,男人看着这本子,似乎在体会着女人的心情,大男子是不会去计较这些小事,原本觉得每次和好之后都没事,女人就爱拿这些来说事,但是当他认真去看的时候,他也开始难过了,女人很细心,把事件、心情都写了,还自己总结了一下原因。原来最微小的事情累积起来是很让人痛苦的,他看得出,女人从失望慢慢变成绝望。

  他想,大概是因为每次吵架,两人都是喜欢在吵架中找出对方不爱自己的证据。他突然意识到,这是个很严重的问题!而且每次吵架,双方都是在心情不稳定的时候,就是还有别的烦心事的时候,把不好的情绪带进了两个人的生活里。

(This is the root of all quarrels. You tend to give the wrong response, say the wrong things in a wrong tone when you’re not feeling your best. You might be in a lousy mood, or sick or having PMS. Not only girls have PMS, guys have too, just that it’s less frequent. And whenever these happens, girls took it more seriously than necessary. They read too much into the minor issues and magnify the problems with pessimistic thoughts and insecurities which screams, “He dont love me already…that’s why he forgets this…forgets that..”)

  “亲爱的别难过……” 男人终于说话了:“我请个假,我们去旅游吧。”

  他们去了第一次一起旅游的地方,太多美好的回忆被唤起,原来彼此是那么深深地爱着对方,这时的女人特别温柔,这时的男人特别体贴。

  “亲爱的,你还认为我们结婚的话,会离婚么?”男人问。

  “我想不是我们不合适,像现在,我们是那么快乐,一切都那么美好,可是一回到我们的现实生活里,为什么就变了呢?”

  “亲爱的,难道我们现在不在现实里吗?”

  “……”女人楞了。

  “因为那时候我们都把注意力集中在负面的事物上并且放大了那些负面的心情。并且喜欢找对方不爱自己的证据,然后彼此个性都很倔不肯服输太要面子。”

  女人觉得确实是如此,原来,双方只是需要一点点忍让,一点点包容。男人带她回顾这初次旅游的地点,是真的用心了,想起那时候他们在一起还不久,为了让对方觉得自己好,都表现出自己最好的一面。

  “还有半个月,如果那瓶子还是半瓶,那么,亲爱的,嫁给我吧!”

  女人钻进男人怀里笑开了颜

  后来他们结婚了。很少再吵架。如果粗心的男人不小心碰掉了杯子,女人不会再开口就骂,因为在女人开口之前,男人已经在道歉,说对不起,都是我不小心的,赔两个给老婆!老婆尽管去选你喜欢的!女人就笑了,然后说,不用买啦,反正还有杯子,再说也不都是你的错,怪我自己没把杯子放好,让你碰到啦!

  原来真的没有合适不合适,只有珍惜不珍惜,能一起走一起进步是幸福的!

Nobody is perfect. And the lady in the story is obviously very emotional who cries easily, pessimistic in relationships, thinks too much and most importantly, she dont understand guys and always want them to give in to her in many ways. To her, not giving in to her and understanding her needs means hurting her(just because she cries so easily), thus it’s interpreted as he’s not a 好男人 who loves her very much. That’s not true.

While so many people on FB has been lamenting how touching and meaningful the story is, the super unromantic me remarked, “If I’m the guy, I will certainly dump her. 也太容易哭了吧? 小题大作.” =P”

HAHAHA
:
:
:
Females always wished to be understood but actually, guys also wished for the same thing too. In comparison, guys are 10times easier to understand than girls but most girls cant understand their partners because they’re clouded with too much love and insecurities. Sometimes, when you love someone too much, you tend to develop insecurities, distrust. All these in turn messed up your logic, and your ability to think straight. And you’ll jumped happily into conclusion and made your own ultimatum.

As much as I believe LOVE can do wonders, I still feel finding a suitable partner is much much easier than using LOVE to conquer yourself AND your partner. Because in life, it tends to have more obstacles than charmingly perfect moments. Each and every hurdle needs much effort and patience to conquer. Yes, love can give you power. But in comparison, a couple who’s more suited to each other have lesser hurdles to conquer in life, like maybe, 10. It’s easier for them to stay together and reach the finishing line for both the semi-finals(till marriage) and finals(till death) because it’s not that tiring for them.

On the other hand, for another couple who’s not as well-suited, they will have many hurdles to conquer, like maybe 40 or 50. And it’s difficult to have the “stamina” to last till the very end unless LOVE is very very strong. Half-way, either 1 party might give up the race because it’s just SO HARD if you have to change yourself to accommodate someone for the rest of your life. Each time you give way, accommodate, to conquer one hurdle, after 3 months, you’ll forgot and make the same mistake again, hence comes the 2nd hurdle again. NOT that I meant it’s impossible to reach the finishing line, I merely meant it takes more effort and time as there are more hurdles.

Perhaps some people will enjoy such “happening” and “adventurous” life, jumping over more and more hurdles as they feel a sense of achievement, that their love has come so far, matured so much etc. Maybe I’m just lazy, I’ll prefer a partner with less differences, more clicks so that we have fewer tiring and vexing hurdles but long, romantic strolls ahead together.

Life is short. Rather than spending time and effort in ironing out all the differences, reaching compromises, accommodating each other, giving in, changing yourself to suit the other party….I rather spend all that time enjoying blissful, enchanting and memorable moments with my loved one. =)

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