Guys please read

Sigh. So vexed recently.

I know I might not have the biggest problem in the world but sometimes I also have my “down” times.

And dearie is the least caring and sensitive man alive…sometimes it’s unbearable to keep all up inside me, not that it makes a difference to tell him.

Yes. Perhaps it makes a difference; I felt worse. ZzZz.

And so I told him, or in fact all the guys in the world;

When a lady is down, she just wants a listening ear and some sort of positive insight or optmistic motivation. She doesnt need your logical, sensible solution or intellectual wisdom. She merely wants a soft approach of consolation which will make her feel better and not worse.

When I told dearie that, he gave me a perplexed look as if I’m speaking a foreign language. Sigh. And hence I quoted him an example, which might be easier to understand.

For example: A scenario, Relationship Problem
A friend is feeling devastated with the loss of a loved girlfriend, whom you feel is totally not worth it.

Examples of The Do’s (Soft approach)
1) You’re a sweet and wonderful gem, just that she doesnt know how to appreciate you.
2) You will definitely meet nicer girls who are worth it. There’s a big forest out there and you’re still so young, so dont worry ya
3) Next week we go drink/club okie, I’ll intro you some of my female friends. Chio one okie.

Examples of The Dont’s (Hard approach)
1) why are you crying over that b*tch who is so not worth it? It’s no use crying over split milk since she’s already gone
2) You shouldnt waste your time missing her. Do more constructive thing instead of dwelling in pity
3) I dont understand why you are so into her? Just dont think about her already

You see, both are words of consolations, just that the former is a softer approach and more welcoming for the first time the issue was shared while the later is a harsher version. Usually people use the hard approach AFTER the 3rd soft approach on the same issue, when you feel you need to knock some sense into a friend who has been dwelling for too long.

So, it’s my first time only mah, for my issue. So I really cant appreciate his hard approach which only makes me feel worse. And he’s telling me he doesnt know how to console me, he only knows how to give a logical, sensible solution instead of any soft or meaningless consolation.

I scoffed.

He thinks I’m not sensible enough to feel the right way?

He thinks I’m not logical enough to know what’s the right thing to do?

Of course I know.

I KNOW I shouldnt feel this way.

I KNOW what I need to do.

But all people have their “down” time. It’s just a short period to express all your pent-up negative feelings, we termed as EMO. It’s a period where the brain takes some time off and the heart is in control. But after that period ends, we’re fine and our heads will be back on my shoulders again instead of letting our hearts rule and letting our raw, sensitive feelings get the better of us.

Then he started to complain, my issue wasnt really relationship problem, so a soft approach isnt very applicable.

*rOllz eyes*

Sometimes I cant stand him trying to argue his way through with implausible excuses.

The relationship problem is just an analogy. He’s just plain lousy at consoling people. Immediately I gave him a few examples of the Soft Approach for my issue at hand.

Awareness dwelled.

And his ultimate quote: “I’m really not good at consolations. I need you to tell me what to say in order to console you and make you feel better.”

WINNER! So everytime I’m down, I need to teach this hopelessly insensitive man on HOW TO CONSOLE ME WOR!!

Then I sibei bo eng(busy) lor.

Already sad liao, still have to give teaching lessons.

Poor me. Life is so tough.

The difference between a good therapist and a bad one?

The good one makes you feel…
“ahhh….it’s not as bad as it looks…it’s just a small problem and things will be fine.”

The bad one?
“…the world just caved in…and cant you shut up already.”

And so I told him, my heart need to be very strong with him. Because sometimes I cant feel he’s standing alongside me, although he is. But he just have a way of making himself invisible that is. Bah!

And for the like hundredth time, please stop telling me “Adrian doesnt look like that leh(as in the kind of person he is)”

I know I know, he looks like an angel right and I look like the devil.

But it’s LOOKS only okie! The similarities end there.

He’s seriously not as angelic as he looks lah.

Some qualities which he LOOKS as if he possesses, but actually he DID not.

1) Sensitive
2) Caring
3) Sympathetic
4) Family man
5) LOVES kids
6) Likes to settle down early
7) 会做人。(E.g, buying new year goodies to gf’s house/buying fruits for a hospitalised Mother-In-Law)

So quit all your fantasies or whatever misconceptions you have about him and stop hounding me about bullying him okie.

“Adrian人很好,你不要欺负他leh。”

“我人也很好! 为什么你不叫他别欺负我leh?”

When the dont-know-50th time comes in, really is 佛也发火.

真是气死我了!

I know he has other good qualities, much more than his shortcomings, of course, else I wouldnt have love him so much and marry him. And I know there’s no perfection in this world. I merely meant to remind myself that he cant(and not that he dont want) provide any 强心针 for me in any misfortunate event and my heart and mind got to be stronger. Thank god I still have few good friends who can lend a helping hand for moral support..else I think I might just die..since family cant lend much real support too.

Like some people who can fall back on parents financially, I know I’m one who cant. If I fall, they’ll fall too. So it’s especially tough and very stressful when I know that I cant fall. On the contrary, people who feel they always can fall back on their parents, tends to fall more often. Because they kept thinking that behind them there’s a cushion.

Circumstances make people..it’s mostly true. So I hope all this makes a tougher me. I dont know why many people have this misconception that my life has always been rosy. Actually it’s not so in the past. Although now I’m still Ok lah.

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