Have you ever have a time whereby you feel everything is not going your way and you feel as if it’s the unluckiest period of your life?

That’s how I feel right now.

I felt Im so wronged. Wronged for doing absolutely nothing which earned all these bad luck. Sigh.

Had dinner with dearie at Whampoa Market tonight, his favourite teochew steamed fish. He, the poor thing, had to bear with me. I did complaint a little to him tonight. Considered little already compared to my usual “quantity”. Actually women are very simple. They complaint and complaint but after that they’ll be alright and they forget. At least Im like that. Things actually go wrong when they stopped complaining. Or when they stopped talking.

I wasnt complaining much tonight because I was pondering about many things. Like a friend of mine said, I always have funny funny ideas running through my head all the time. I was just thinking stuff like..why some people will like that…wont they be blablabla…stuffs like that. Haha. And thinking of all the unlucky stuff which happened in this year as well as ongoing now, tears just welled up in my eyes. Im not sad. Because I know Im still considered very fortunate amongst many people. Having a loving boyfriend. Still able to splurge on stuff I like, especially sumptuous food. A wonderful mummy who always cook my favourite food. And also a bunch of very good friends. Im just shedding tears of frustration. It’s like, “why cant things be right for me for once?”

Ash just sms me yesterday that her camera doesnt have flash and that pictures might not turn out nice for my ROM. As in, the pictures might be dark, blur, unclear etc. As my ROM venue is indoor, it’s kinda dark. I dont think I can run that risk although she said she still can be my photographer for the day. I asked her why didnt she tell me earlier, especially when we agreed on the arrangement months ago. She said she’s very sorry and that she was expecting some cash inflow which ultimately did not come in in time for her to buy the flash for her camera. The flash costs $500. So I proposed why dont I lend her money for the flash first and she can take her time to return me. I understood her discomfort about money matters as she’s also a prideful person like me but I humbled my tone and said, “please just treat it as doing me a favor because it’s difficult for me to find another photographer at this last minute when my ROM is only 3 weeks away. And my ROM date is quite a hot date. I swear I will not pester you for the money. You can return me when you have it, it’s no hurry.”

I was fully prepared for her rejection for the lending as I know her very well. 8 years of friend. But the actual reason for the rejection actually took me by surprise. Apart from the reason that she’s uncomfortable of owing a debt, the main reason is she dont wish to spend $500 on a flash which is not of priority to her. I asked why. I thought every camera needs a flash. She explained it’s because the external flash is usually used for wedding photos which she dont do most of the times. She rather spend more, like $1000 on a better lens for her camera which she deems as a better investment because most of her freelance jobs are art galleries pictures. All these camera stuff are quite foreign to me so I also didnt ask further.

But the fact now is very clear to me. She dont intend to buy the flash and she knew months ago that her camera might not produce clear, bright, nice pictures. But yet she only choose to tell me yesterday.

You know how I feel?

Figuratively speaking, I felt suddenly…like the world closed down on me. Like…darkness fell. Dont know why. That feeling was very sad. I…actually took some time to register the fact that she can do this to me. *breathe* Hmmm….Am I making this into a big deal?

Anyway, no use feeling sorry. So I frantically went online to search forums etc for any nice, freelance photographers. Most, like I’ve expected, were already booked on my ROM date. Then some are freaking expensive because they are popular or for whatever reason.

I know it’s a small thing, the photography thing. It can surely be solved. At most spend more money or else keep it simple by asking my friends to take pictures for me with my SONY 8.1MP digital camera. Of course I can. Huey also did it, didnt she? And the pictures are wonderful. =)

But maybe I just cant take it when a bomb was being thrown to me in the midst of all my frustrations. It’s just, double blow.

Actually, it’s not that I want to make such a big fuss of this ROM lah. Just that I thought it’s a once in a lifetime affair and the gown is being made-to-measure(because I have no choice since the rack dont have many gowns), I feel it’s a pity if mediocre pictures are taken. Not that I feel Im beautiful in any way and that lousy pictures will spoil my image etc. It’s not that. I have seen some wonderful wedding pictures and it’s not about whether the groom is handsome or the bride is beautiful. It’s about catching the moments. The enchanting moments that both vowed to be together blissfully for the rest of their lives. The smiles filled with happiness. My colleague who also ROM this year even engaged a videographer for their ROM because he feels that the signing of the papers legally signifies the vow and the bonding, so it’s much more important than the customary wedding.

I have some very happy stories as well as sad stories around me regarding about proposals and marriages. I can tell you some of my friends have as big as 1 whole carat of diamond for their wedding ring which costs a 5-figure as well as glorious weddings done in grand splendor with no less than $8K. But sad to say, the magic and splendor ended there. Im very, very sad for them. But things are getting better for them already and Im glad.

Therefore after all these sad happenings, I really adopted a new and more light-hearted attitude towards all the wedding preparations. It’s not that I lost my faith in marriage. I have absolute faith in my marriage and my husband-to-be. I just meant, the nitty-gritty stuff like how big is the diamond, the bridal studio package or which hotel to hold the banquet etc, which usually meant to alot to most women, now matters lesser to me. So what if you have the biggest diamond ring or the highest-valued condo as home or the most elaborate and glorious wedding of the century? If the marriage dont breed happiness, it’s just a lovely packaged box which hides a loveless marriage shell. I would rather have the best marriage than the best wedding. Because wedding lasts a day while marriage lasts a lifetime.

Not that all the preparations are not important, of course. As I said it’s once in a lifetime thing, I will still try to make sure it’s OK. Im still a fussy and a person with high expectations but it’s purely to satisfy my own vanity and desire to attempt to be the most beautiful bride for my husband-to-be. Just let me be a fussy, vain peacock for these 2 days, ROM & Wedding day, will ya? If you must know, I hardly go for hair treatments, facials etc unless it’s credit card promotions. Perhaps a manicure or pedicure once in a while for indulgence and rebonding once or twice every year. So my dearie, do excuse me for my extreme obsessiveness for these few months past with slapping on masks or applying body lotion. =P

I know very well, what lies after the wedding is so much more important than how a wedding looks on the surface. Like wise, how a man treats you with his heart is so much more important than stuff he does on the surface with honeyed words or gifts.

Meanwhile, any form of encouragement and consolations for my current plight is vastly appreciated. Any nice photographers recommendations? I have these 3 photographers for consideration.

ROM $300
Up to 3 Hours Photography Coverage
Unlimited Number Of Exposures/Photos
Will TouchUp/Color Correct All Photos
Return of all images on a DVD

$900 (Actual Day Wedding Photography)
Up to 10 Hours Photography Coverage
Unlimited Number Of Exposures/Photos
Will TouchUp/Color Correct All Photos
Return of all images on a DVD

Click the Labels: Wedding Day and Outdoor photography.
ROM – $450 which includes 2 hours of service, 100 4R prints in a slot in album and cd of all photos taken.
Wedding day – $1400 which includes 10 hours of service, 300 4R prints in a slot in album and a dvd of all the photos taken.

$280 for 2.5hours with soft copy returned.

I actually like pictures of 2) most but Yixin charges the highest.

Basically I prefer to have the soft copy instead of the fotos itself as I prefer to develop them if I liked them enough. Im currently looking at the ROM package only but I asked for the AD package just in case if negotiations can be done for both packages signed.

Do drop me your views if you have time to view them. =)

Thank you.


3 Responses to Ponderings

  1. ingrained says:

    Fion, I did know about my camera’s inabilities months ago and dare I say, even, a year and a half ago when I first got the camera. When you kindly first gave me the honour to take your wedding photos, I believe I also did tell you about how things may not work. BUT, to your credit, YES I did mention about getting the necessary equipment by your wedding date.

    If I may use the current financial crisis as analogy, I didn’t realise that my personal finances would also be in this dire situation today. I berate myself about it every single day. It is not intended malice that I wait till this late to tell you. As I mentioned over the phone last night, yesterday is also the earliest date that I was able to inform you about my situation.

    There are certainly some misunderstandings. But Fion, I understand your misgivings, I don’t blame you for this mildly exaggerated post since I truly had a part to play in your current predicament.

    We aren’t the best of friends, Fion. But the past eight years like you mentioned, must have some merit. I could have chosen to get my other friends to deal with my CPF money but I came to you instead.

    For us to remain friends for the next eight years and beyond, I propose that I take the pictures for your solemnisation ceremony. I will borrow another lens from a friend that will reduce the darkness problem and make the pictures ‘less mediocre’. But please, let’s also make this free of charge so that I am free of the burden and pressure you’ll put on me than if this is paid job.

    I also actually have an important examination the following morning after your ceremony. But since I promised and to prove that I’m sincere towards helping you, I will make myself available.

    Let me know what you think, friend.

  2. Chilli Padi says:

    Hi girl
    I really appreciate your comment. Because I dont like to hide my feelings and stuff. Hope you dont get offended when I post them here ya, anyway it’s not a popular blog like XX lah.
    Please do believe this matter has not affect our friendship in any way. Im not blaming you lah, just sian that things has not been going smoothly for me for this year. I really dont wish to sound mushy but hmm..you really have some “weight” in my heart as a friend. Dont know why leh, perhaps years ago when I was so sad over a 3 year broken relationship, I went over ur condo to find you. And we swam. Rem? So e.g, if another normal fren did this to me, I wont really be bothered so much.

    The entry is slightly exaggerated becoz like I said, many things have been “not smooth” lor…Im quite emotional lately. So it’s more of frustration on my part and slight disappointment that you cant take pictures for me. Like I’ve said, you’re the best person for the job and it’s not the money. Oh ya I remember you mentioned about the exam..though I kinda rem it as a test which you said you’re okie of handling. If it’s an impt exam, I definitely wont want you to be busy for that afternoon, moreover since now you’re like so stressed over it. Please please dont offer things like that, F.O.C!!! I wont accept. Dont worry, I’ve found more than a few choices who are available on my ROM day. Actually I also abit paiseh lah with the budgeted amount I offered you. It’s already good that you didnt ask me to go F*** off already. haha. Yes it has been an understanding although I never believe you intend any malice on your part. I thought you just, well, forget it and dont bother la. It’s good to get this in the open. Im good really. *smilesz* But Im not negotiable with your attendance that day. If you need to study, come between 12.30pm to 2.30pm okie. But must come okie. =)

  3. COOLINGSTAR9 says:

    Life is up and down, we need to take it easy.

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